I try to be motivational on my Fitness Page. I sell workout videos & health & nutrition supplements…motivation is part of that. I like motivational quotes about getting your butt up and moving & taking chances & risks. I know that there’s no “magic pill” for health. It takes guts and sweat and will power and discipline. I like those things because I can control those things. My name is Jennifer and I am a control freak.
I’ve always been a control freak. I also have anxiety. The two things go hand in hand. For a person with anxiety it’s usually the moments that we don’t have control over that send us into a tailspin. For a long while I was too anxious to fly. I just felt out of control with someone else in charge of flying the plane….you know because I could definitely fly a plane. I didn’t say the anxiety was logical, ok. I don’t know if the Xanax or the fact that I enjoy traveling helped me get over it (probably the Xanax) but it was really all about handing over control. AND I HATE THAT!
Control freaks like me take action. When there’s a problem we look for a solution to fix it. When something needs doing we do it. If I get the slightest bit out of shape I kick my workouts into high gear. I can’t help it. Controlling things calms me & makes me feel like something, ANYTHING is getting done. It’s hard for me to do nothing. And that’s a problem.
I used to have an inner war with the Atari game “Frogger” in the early ’80’s. For those under 30 it was a game about frogs crossing the street in rush hour traffic trying to avoid getting squashed by a car. Now that I write that down I’m thinking some 25 year old at the Atari game creation center was high as a kite when they came up with this game. It’ a bit twisted. Anyway…if you timed it correctly & were patient & strategized which car was slower and what openings you could get through then your frog just might survive. So for those of us with a lack of patience & the NEED to move fast & hurry up so as to beat some imaginary timer in my head that said if I don’t move quickly my entire life was pointless, this game SUCKED! I hardly ever won. Survival almost always gave way to impatience. You could have a frog leg feast on the road kill I left behind. Sad, really.
I’m learning at the age of 41 that sometimes standing still and doing nothing is the right thing. Sometimes. Not when you need to get in shape or lose weight or quit smoking or chase your financial dreams or a bear is chasing you. In those instances what are you waiting for MOVE YOUR ASS! However, in dealing with other people and their journey to be in the “right place” or with your children learning tough life lessons when you’d really like to step in and save them or in just realizing there’s things in life you can’t control no matter how much you’d like to. It’s so hard to stand still and do nothing. Soooooo harrrrrrd. It’s hard to be out of control. However, it’s pretty cool to be 41 years old and realize there are still a lot of life lessons to learn and I still have a lot of growing to do. I am a work in progress. Working on patience. Here’s to me and deep breathing and Yoga and Xanax!
P.S. If Xanax had been around in 1981 I would have totally ruled at Frogger.