A 41 year old Breakthrough- I kinda like my body

I don’t know why we women are so hard on ourselves & in particular the way we look, our bodies, our hair, our physical appearance in general. From my point of view men do not judge themselves as harshly as us women do. I could be wrong…maybe they do and they just hide it well. I don’t know, I’m not a guy. What I am is a 41 year old woman who has really had a breakthrough.

I look back at pictures of myself when I was 21 and I have one regret: WHY WAS I NOT NAKED MORE? Ok not exactly naked (or nekked as us Texans say), but why oh why did I hide my figure so much? Maybe it was the style back then to wear baggier clothes. More likely it was my insecurity with my own body. And WTF dude? My body was great at 21. If I could go back I would slap my 21 year old self and say ” girl trust me this is as good as it gets body-wise. Flaunt it, wear shorter shorts, it’s ok to walk in a bikini in front of people.” But I wouldn’t have. Because at 21 I might have had the best body I’d ever have physically but I was far from the best mind I’d ever have.

Working out a lot lately and taking body measurements for my before & after pictures has been a real eye-opener. No one…I mean NO ONE loves posting pictures of themselves half naked for people to see and judge. Even this skinny bitch. I think it’s just an issue we women have. It’s biological or societal or something- we just always compare our bodies to those of others and feel less. Just less than perfect, less than pretty, less than THEM. You know THEM- the perfect bodied girls.

And my breakthrough: As I was contorting yesterday on the ground in some crazy position Tony Horton had me in….wait that sounded funny. Tony Horton was not in my house I’m doing P90X3 as my current workout program. OK anyway I was nose to belly button in the boat position & was forced to stare at my belly for 30 seconds pretty closely. I saw a glimpse of my C-Section scar where I was rushed into surgery to extract a 9 pound human boy from me 12 years ago. Yes. I said 9 pounds. And if you can imagine what a 9 pound kid and 42 extra pounds does to a tummy it ain’t pretty. But it is! It means I gave life. After many miscarriages and heartbreaks I got 2 healthy babies so I’m grateful for the stretch marks & big scar. Another consequence of that big ass baby was a herniated umbilical…MINE. I had to have surgery to rebuild my belly button. The scar is quite visible. I also have what I lovingly refer to as my tricep purses. It’s just a little extra skin that when I wave it waves also. It reminds me of my grandma and I’m ok with that. I could go on. We all could. Little stretch marks here and there, a few cellulite bumps, some freckles…we all have our stuff. BUT…my 41 year old self is different from my 21 year old self. And I swear, hand to heart, I wouldn’t go back. I wouldn’t trade my perfectly imperfect, 41 year old body for anything. It’s got character- character that I earned. I may have had a great physical body at 21 but there’s something to be said for having the years behind you and knowing more. I am not LESS than. None of us are. And I pray & hope my kids know that of themselves too. Your body does A LOT for you. Especially us women. It nourishes you and protects you and incubates life and gives birth and does all sorts of amazing things. Take care of it and love it and be proud of it. I am. Finally.

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