Monthly Archives: September 2014

IT’S NOT JUST A FOOTBALL GAME

Did you know that the Dallas Cowboys started as an expansion team in 1960? Did you know that they have won 5 Superbowls? Four of those I was alive to see and watched! Did you know they sell more merchandise than ANY OTHER TEAM in the NFL? Even when they have a losing season they still sell more jerseys, memorabilia and merchandise than all of the other teams in the NFL. Love them or hate them there is a reason they are called “America’s Team”.

I realize its not typical for a “girl” to love football so much. I realized yesterday when my husband said “c’mon its time to go run errands” and I responded with “but the Cowboy game is on” that I might have issues. My Sundays during the season often revolve around what time The Cowboys play. He’s from New Orleans- he just doesn’t get it! ;)-

They often break my heart, they disappoint me, I say Im done! Im over it! Im a Broncos fan now! I yell at the tv. I yell at Jerry Jones. I may or may not have a voo-doo doll in Jerry’s likeness that I stab on occasion. I storm out of the room. I ask why the hell we still hang on to Tony. “Who’s calling these plays, my grandma?” Although actually my Granny is a HUGE Cowboys fan and can often call better plays than Garrett.

But alas- broken hearted, pissed off, disappointed, fed-up me always, ALWAYS comes back next Sunday, next season, and hopes. I am a fan. I am always going to be a fan. When you are 5th generation born in Dallas you don’t have much choice.

Every single Sunday for as log as I can remember we rushed back to my grandparents house after church to catch the kick-off. I sat with my Dad and my grandpa and soaked in every bit of the games. I learned to hate the Steelers & the Redskins. I learned to love Tom Landry and Roger. Then I REALLY learned to love Troy and the Triplets. And if you don’t know who that is Im not sure we can be friends :)- And I realize that more than the game that was on the tv it was about the two men I sat next to on the couch.

There is just nothing quite like football. It is such the antithesis of what I stand for. I am all peace, love and treat each other kindly. But when it comes to football Im screaming “kill him”, “get him”, “what are you a sissy? catch that guy”. Its fairly obnoxious. Now trust me- if I had a minute with Ray Rice I’d shoot his sack off with a shotgun….especially if that was my daughter in that elevator. Keep that violence o the field…NEVER NEVER off the field. And aside from the occasional jackass most professional football players are pretty decent I suppose.

So when Fall weather hits and the commercials start (I still prefer Faith to Carrie but whatever) I get very excited. And I don’t think it matters what team you cheer for- OK it totally matters but Im trying to make a point. I remember once my Dad saying “there are Cowboy fans and then there is everyone else”. YEP. It’s really all about a Sunday afternoon and the people on the couch. It’s about escaping your tedious life, your chores, your obligations and sitting like a lump in an old jersey with a beer in your hand and acting like an idiot yelling at the tv. It’s so much more than just the game that is on.

And for those of us long-suffering Cowboys’ fans its about yesterday. It’s about weeks and weeks of disappointment and then YESTERDAY. Redemption. A glimpse at what we know to be our Cowboys. And that little sparkle of hope that there’ll be a 6th trip to the big game. How ‘bout them Cowboys!

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MY BOOBS

I had a mammogram two weeks ago. I was mad about it. I went for a check up last month and my doctor had the audacity to tell me it was time to get a mammogram and discuss peri-menopause. She’s a bitch. I will be 42 in a month and how the hell did that happen? Peri-menopause? Damn it. I have worked my booty off this past 8 months to be in great shape. In fact, Im in better shape than I’ve been in in years. I feel better, I have more energy, I sleep better, I think better and one of the side effects of getting older is a down right lack of giving a shit what others think. As well as a no-holds-barred approach to letting those I care about know just how much I care. And now this “medical professional” slaps me with this cheery news.

I got to smash my boobs in a machine. Well, I didn’t. Susan did. She was my nurse. And reminiscent of a dentist who asks you 42 questions while he has his hands in your mouth Susan tried to make small talk. I usually expect dinner for what she got to do to my breasts. Mangling them and finagling and squishing them into that machine while asking how old my kids were. Pleasant. I had a mammogram a few years back when I found a suspicious lump. It turned out to be benign but my grandma has breast cancer. I am built like her, look like her, and have her mannerisms so it’s always in the back of my head. I have small boobies- its true and Im ok with that. They are also a little farther south than they were 20 years ago but they are mine. I kinda like them now. They fed my kids and helped me fill out my first bikini and don’t get in my way when I attempt to run…

And now they get to be squeezed and examined every two years….and not in the fun kind of way.

It’s so un-sexy. All of it. Discussing my pre-menopause years and my breast health and my urinary habits. Shit. And whats funny about this whole thing is that I feel better than I ever have. Saggy boobs and wrinkles and age spots and all. God Ive said it before but if I could slap my 22 year old self I would. SHE was an idiot with an amazing body and no self confidence. But at 42 you know some things you don’t know at 22. You know who you are. You know what you believe in. You feel comfortable in your skin. I pick 42 over 22 any day of the week. And it’s ok to say “sexy” when you’re 42. Sexy is not perfection or seamless outer beauty or perfect breasts or youth. It’s a sense of confidence in yourself.

And I chose to make this mammogram sexy. It’s sexy to take care of my body and be preventative and pro-active. I want to be around a long time. My boobs do not make me a woman. I know that. But somehow they make me feel like one. And that may be the politically incorrect thing to say but its how I feel. And I wore some pretty undergarments and some red lipstick to my mammogram. You should too. When breast cancer is detected early it is often very treatable now. Do yourself a favor and make an appointment today. And screw your stupid doctor and peri menopause. Own it! We girls of a certain age know what’s really up…

Me and my boobs had a glass of wine that night to celebrate that milestone.

And though I wasn’t too terribly worried it was in the back of my head that there is a 50% possibility that a woman will receive a call back after a mammogram for a biopsy. FIFTY PERCENT. Thats a LOT!!

So when I got this pretty little letter in the mail it was a relief. A BIG relief. The girls are healthy! And each day as I DO NOT drink soda and put the cookies away for veggies and do my workout whether I feel like it or not…I’d like to think Im contributing just a little to that whole “treat your body as a temple” thing. Im hoping my good decisions will add a few months or years or decades to my life. Cuz you know you gotta do that! Sometimes no matter WHAT you do some damn disease catches you (I know that all too well). But for this control freak I like to think every little good thing I do for my body she pays me back just a little with time.

Here’s to healthy boobies everywhere..now go get yours checked!!

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