And so it goes. Another August. The tenth. Its funny they say it gets easier over time. Im not sure about that. I think you just learn to live with the situation. But the more Augusts that go by, the more I miss you. The longer its been since Ive heard your voice and laugh. My 25th High School Reunion is in a month. I remember you & Mom going to your 25th. It was the year I got married. Holy shit does time fly. Fast. I wanted August to fly by. Just not so many years so very fast.
I think for some of us, women of my age, there’s this switch that got turned off when we had kids. Its the “Dream Switch”. Pretty sure this may be the least politically correct blog I’ve ever written but brutal honesty was the goal….so I’ll shoot.
I had a great weekend in Austin. Despite my sister’s garbage disposal going out, sewage backing up into her house, and her car not starting…it was pretty cool. I went for a concert. To see the Dixie Chicks with my Mom and sister. But lets be honest….the concert was on the 10th Anniversary of my Dad’s accident and I went to be with them. My nieces happen to be the cutest kids in the entire world so that helps too. I slept with the little one. She’s a hoot. And it’s been awhile since I’ve been around little people who leak and talk a lot.
2 DAYS, 4 MONTHS, 6 YEARS. All the same. Miss you more now since its been longer since I’ve seen you. I hope you are happy. I hope you feel peace. I do. Finally. And some guilt mixed with that. Dad there’s some days I forget to think about you until almost dinner time. And I cannot express the guilt I feel for that. I mean there are songs, smells, the sound of a Harley going down the road that are often reminders out of no where. But in general…more time goes by each day than used to. Before I think of you. And then I feel a pit in my stomach. Because I feel so guilty about that.
I want to write about Summit. I do. But Im exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally. The words are there I just cry when I try to type them. I am a very deep person. It may not seem it on the surface but I feel. I hurt when people hurt me. I love when people love me. I am grateful beyond what I can express and I am nostalgic a lot. Its a hard surface. I know that. My insides are quite the opposite.