10 YEARS

2 DAYS, 4 MONTHS, 6 YEARS. All the same. Miss you more now since its been longer since I’ve seen you. I hope you are happy. I hope you feel peace. I do. Finally. And some guilt mixed with that. Dad there’s some days I forget to think about you until almost dinner time. And I cannot express the guilt I feel for that. I mean there are songs, smells, the sound of a Harley going down the road that are often reminders out of no where. But in general…more time goes by each day than used to. Before I think of you. And then I feel a pit in my stomach. Because I feel so guilty about that.

Life has happened. I wanted it to stand still for that first year. Or maybe 2. But it didn’t. It keeps spinning. I had a good hike today. I thought about you and Colorado and motorcycles and how quickly time goes by. I also thought about how I dont want to be sad. I have this whole “taking back August” thing going on. And its working. Mostly. I fly to Austin tomorrow to be with Kelly & Mom for the Dixie Chicks concert Sunday. On THAT day. Last year I climbed Pikes Peak on THAT day. I think I had something to prove. To you. To myself. I don’t anymore. I don’t have anything else to prove.
I am more at peace and happy and focused and content than I have ever been in my life. Its funny. I’ve heard the saying “people never really change”. They do. I did. I am nowhere near the girl I used to be. For all the good and bad that caused that to happen- I am grateful.
I miss you. I walked the stage at Summit again last week. You’d have gotten a kick out of that. I cried today. Just a little. Funny how that comes out of nowhere. I will tell you all about the kids and talk Brain Rot and stuff later. I just wanted to say that a decade is a long time not to hear you laugh. Im glad I got to hear you laugh. A lot. And what do you learn in a decade? I don’t know? Shit. I don’t know. Maybe though…what I know now is that I wouldn’t take another Dad for 85 years. I am one damn lucky girl I got YOU for the short time I had you. 53 is too young to die. 33 is too young to lose your Dad. But I wouldn’t trade a minute of it.
Hope you ride. Far and long and into a beautiful place. I’ll drink one for you. Maybe two.
Let me ask you something….
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