THE BUSINESS OF BLAMING

I don’t know about you but Im betting you cannot wait for this election cycle to be over. It has made me very very sad. I want to assure you this will NOT be a “political” blog. I actually hate politics. I would NEVER presume to try to argue that someone else believe exactly the way I do. Thats incredibly presumptuous and arrogant and a total waste of time. But I’ve had some time to think about this whole election and just have some thoughts on it. Thought I’d share. No desire to talk policy or candidates or what you think SHOULD be or blasting my opinion down your throat. I just truly, TRULY believe it came to this…to these 2 candidates because we got what we deserved as a country. And it has shone a light on how we treat each other. The words we will let come out of our mouths. And how truly sad it is. How the lack of civility, lack of tact, lack of kindness brought us here.
I wont announce how I voted. Though Im sure most of you can guess. It doesn’t matter. I was raised by two parents who voted opposite of each other for 30+ years. They NEVER ONCE voted the same. Cancelled out each other’s votes for all those years. And there was never yelling or name calling or bickering. There was a respect for each other. Thats what I thought all families were like.
I am in the “business” of helping people get healthy. That often involves a LOT more than moving a number on a scale. There are DEEP underlying issues that cause people to overeat, under eat, have a bad relationship with food, hate to exercise, and hate themselves. Thank goodness my degree is in Psychology. I use it. Often. One of the very central themes I’ve noticed is blame. People tend to blame others. For everything. For their economic situation, for their weight situation, for their illnesses, for the loss of a job, for the way they over eat, for the way they under eat, for the lack of time to exercise. They blame their parents, the “corrupt” government, the “system” (still not sure who that is), their ex spouses, their bosses, their upbringing….I see it. A LOT!
Im guilty of it. We all are. Its pretty hard to admit when you’ve screwed up or made a mistake or that the REASON you are in the spot you are standing in RIGHT NOW is all on you. YOU got you here. YOU. Circumstances happen. Brain rot happens. Job loss happens. Cancer happens. Death happens. Abuse happens. Shitty, horrible, things happen. The “system” may screw you over. Someone MIGHT make a mistake that leads to something bad happening to you. You can throw a fit. Blame them. Whine about it. By all means…sit home, complain about a system that let you down. But understand that will NEVER EVER EVER change anything.
I spent the first year after Patrick’s diagnosis glued to a computer. I wanted to know HOW he got Ataxia. WHY he got Ataxia. WHO’S fault it was. WHERE to find a cure. WHY it happened to him. And WHO we could blame. He worked out like a beast. He ran, rode in bike races, had not an ounce of fat on him, never did drugs, ate well. WHY THE FUCK? WHO could I blame. HOW could I fix it. A year I spent on the computer and in files and talking to doctors. And its a funny thing about acceptance. It doesn’t slap you in the face one morning. It creeps up slowly. Through tears, through time, through your brain catching up with your heart.
And you realize you COULD stay glued to a computer…looking for someone to blame. Or you could get the fuck up. And pack your shit. And move to Colorado. And climb a mountain, and get a trike, and be a cheer coach, and travel, and start a business, and donate money for research. And go see Stevie Nicks in concert. And LIVE.
Im still sad some days. Mad some days. Im human. But I don’t blame anyone anymore. I don’t need someone to blame. I don’t blame the deer for jumping in front of my Dad’s motorcycle. I don’t blame anything or anyone for Patrick’s Brain Rot. And I don’t blame the government or the “man” or the “system” for my circumstances. I am where I am because of choices I made. And the choices I didn’t make- like a motorcycle accident or Brain Rot or an Autoimmune disorder….well…I can’t change them. But I CHOOSE to not sit around melting in it. Stewing in it. Dying from it. I CHOOSE to LIVE.
Trying to MAKE others believe that YOUR candidate, YOUR religion, YOUR beliefs and YOUR way of doing things are the only right way always seemed so crazy to me. What works for you doesn’t work for me. And vice versa. I look forward to a time when this election is over. I still whole-heartedly believe that kindness can win out. That civility will prevail. That in the end we can respect each other’s choices…and live our own lives the way thats best for US. A friend recently said to me “YOU DO YOU”. I think thats some pretty damn good advice.
Peace Out Friends!
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