I DONT FIT

I remember every pair of pants, dress, skirt I ever bought. Not because they were that memorable. But because they were all too long. I tried on my wedding dress, my prom dress, some bridesmaids dresses…and every single time the cute girl that was working there had the same thing to say to me…. “Its too long for you…you don’t fit in it.”

My fellow short girls will feel my pain. There have been many cars Ive driven where I couldn’t reach the pedals. And some cars only let the seat go forward so far so you are not in danger of being too close to the airbag. Its a funny dance I do where I use my core muscles to sit tall on the very front edge of the seat so I can reach the pedals. I don’t fit.
In one apartment I rented the microwave was so high above the stove that I had to climb on the counter just to use it. I still jump a little when closing the back hatch of a tall SUV. Leggings that are meant to be calf length come to my ankles in a weird (not so cute) spot. When I go to the gynecologist and she says “spread em” for my pap smear and then follows up with…ok you’re going to need to scoot way way way down to get your feet in the stirrups…..ok further down. Im usually laying there with my ass hanging off the table and my hoo haw in the weirdest position with my ankles in the stirrups so I don’t fall. Its awesome.
I was a gay loving, womens’ rights toting, give health insurance to all voting, non church going, science loving blonde chick in Texas. Didn’t quite fit in there either.
I own a business that I run online and I cuss a lot. And my clothes never match. And I talk about how my kids are assholes, and my menopause, and my divorce, and how I don’t like a lot of people….and its not really so smart for someone trying to run a business in public. Ive been told its not the best way to run a business. I should put my BEST face forward, speak of my loving family, and look appealing to the “masses”. So don’t get political or controversial. Dont cuss. Dont complain. Dont always speak out loud whats in your head. Well…..FUCK. Once again- don’t fit. Dont fit the “mold”. Dont fit the “stereotype”. Dont “conform” to fit the “team”.
Ive spent a whole lotta years not fittin. And worrying about it. And wandering how life would be a tad easier if I just would TRY to fit in better. If Id not wear shirts with cuss words, not blare gangsta rap, not call my kids assholes, not speak up for the rights of all, not cause a stir….
It would definitely have been easier. Definitely. And I would’ve been miserable. And Im pretty sure I’d trade easy for happy every day of the weak. I don’t fit. I don’t fit a lot of things. And its fucking amazing. Be you. Do YOU. Dont try to “fit” in anywhere. Its not possible for everyone to like you or “get” you. And would you REALLY want that anyway?
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