business | Falling Back On Funny

Its hard to admit you failed. And Im not sure I really like that word anyway. FAILED. Ive been told to embrace it by the CEO of Beachbody. So many success stories were proceeded by tons of failure. Michael Jordan, Einstein, Steve Jobs….the list is endless. But we, as a society with a short attention span, focus on the million hoops made, the scientific break throughs and the billion dollar company that IS Apple. We don’t really look at or focus on the FAILURES that came before. I went into Beachbody Coaching almost 4 years ago, gung ho, full steam ahead, and became successful and built a team and a paycheck and a few awards and titles and rank advancements later I felt pretty good. And then life happened.

I could blame my lack of focus in my business on a divorce, brain rot, moving, illness, spending all of my energy on coaching cheer. I could. It would all be true. 2017 has been extremely difficult for me. EXTREMELY. I don’t recall a time in my life of more stress, sadness, tragedy, anxiety, change and fear. I am a tough cookie. In many ways. In other ways I am human. I am fragile and mortal and sad and stressed and want to curl up and give up. My 20 year marriage ended this year. My grandmother died this year. My dear friend’s son took his life this year. I walked 121 miles this year. In 11 days. My physical body was not 100% this year. My workouts were off. My nutrition has been off. I moved this year. I left a job I love this year. Quitting my position as assistant cheer coach has made me more sad than I expected. I met a Dude this year. That I did NOT want to care for. If timing is everything then fate picked the absolute WORST (or best if you look at it differently) time for a Dude to walk into my life. (Or fall in my lap 😉 ) And sitting in that hospital room alone after they wheeled him away for emergency testing and surgery last week brought back a flood of memories.

I spent so much time crying in hospitals. I lost several pregnancies late. LATE. As in 5 months in late. I spent hours waiting for test results about brain rot in hospitals. So anxious I couldn’t breathe. My daughter was tested for thyroid cancer and I sat in a waiting room wanting to die. And trade places with her. And I sat in a hospital room in Houston last week alone. Its a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone. And if my anxiety level was any higher Im pretty sure Id have had a heart attack. I stared at the floor in that room and questioned everything Id ever done. I have made mistakes. Ive hurt others. Ive hurt myself. I question my ability to parent. I question my ability to let others in. To love. And to be successful. I let my team down this year- my Beachbody team. I had JUST ENOUGH energy to end a marriage and move and find the will to put my pants on each day….so my team got nothing from me. And for that I am sad. I have apologized to them. They are some amazing people.

I needed this time, this year, this space, this break….from everything. To try to find me and get mentally healthy. I think my body needed rest. Ive slept a lot lately. Im in the business of making healthy bodies. Of fitness and working out and building muscle. And I think it escaped me that the mind and the soul are just as important as the body. And mine needed rest. And time. Im a few pounds heavier than last year. I don’t have a 6 pack currently. I don’t have the energy I had last year. My fitness is not at its prime. But Im ready for a fresh start. Im ready. And I don’t regret taking the time to get my mind and soul right. I don’t. My body was screaming for rest. And I only get one body.

You don’t wake up one day and its all better. You don’t. I wont wake up January 1st and be “over” all the things that happened in 2017. It doesn’t happen like that. Though I wish it did. Its a process. And Im learning to respect the process. I am ready to be physically FIT again. Im ready to have a FIT business again and do what I do. Im good at it. I love my job. Ive committed to an “INSANE DECEMBER”. Gonna do the hardest Beachbody workout EVER for 30 days—INSANITY MAX 30— and document my journey. Im going to get back to my team. And leading by example. And healthy eating. And reading. And doing the things that fill me up. Its time. Im ready. And I need to be me. I also need to forgive myself for the time off. For the breakdown. For the mistakes. For everything. Truth be told…..I am HAPPY. A happy I never knew I could be. It doesn’t look perfect. But my soul feels good. And I realized the moment I looked down at the floor in that hospital room last week….that I am enough. I am strong. I am worthy. I am capable. And a good cry washes away a lot of shit. 🙂

Its ok to fall down. Its not ok to say there.

I am NOT consistent. Never have been. I’ll readily admit I do not parent consistently, I do not keep in touch with friends consistently, I do not return phone calls consistently and according to the water company I do not pay bills consistently which is in direct correlation to why my husband took over paying the bills a few years back. Apparently these companies frown upon giving you services that you forget to pay for.

I have written before about how I suck at the “follow through”. I do. I start every project with great intentions and phenomenal ideas (well in my head they are phenomenal) and I can envision the outcome and the whole world is at peace. And on Day #1 I am so pumped and gung-ho with balls blazin’ that nothing short of Adam Levine walking into my path NEKKID could stop me. Stupid 20 year old model-child-wife….anyway…

I am a GREAT starter. I am a shitty finisher. This does not bode well in business. Crap. So when this Beachbody Coaching thing started I was all “cool I love working out” (I actually do that consistently-one of the few things), “i love the idea of a discount on products”, “this will be easy”, “what a cool company”, “who doesn’t want to get in shape and be healthy? this will be easy to convince people to do”. IDIOT.

My upline coach and dear friend, Stephanie, recently did a team call with her friend, Melissa, who just happened to go to my high school (Go Trojans)! Yes we were the Trojans..haha…not many jokes I haven’t heard. And you haven’t lived until you are cheering on the sideline of a football game & the rival team is throwing prophylactics at you. Good Times… anyway….Melissa said one sentence that has stuck with me for a week. I cannot get it out of my head. “I was a Monday/Tuesday Coach…Dont be a Monday/Tuesday Coach”. She found her success once she started putting as much effort into her business on Thursdays & Fridays as she did on Mondays. Holy HELL!! Im a Monday/Tuesday Coach. It hit me.

I have had moderate success with Beachbody. I’m not gonna lie. I make more money working a few hours on Monday than A LOT of people who work 40 hours a week. I am lucky. I am also an idiot. I am all crazy motivated on Mondays and can rock this business like nobody. I AM BEACHBODY….on Mondays. By Thursdays Im at lunch with Susie or Lori and shopping and checking my messages once every few hours. By Fridays Im at Wine Day Friday and Im lucky if ANYTHING gets done. If it needs to happen after noon on Fridays it ain’t happenin’. Well hell…

The one thing in my life I am VERY consistent with is my workouts. I don’t miss those. I workout 6 times per week. It is like crack to me. It makes me feel good, it boosts my endorphins, it makes me happy, it helps with energy and my abs look good. Yes Im vain- whatever. But the consistency of my workouts pay off. Seriously pays off. After 9 months of working out 6 days a week and being very religious about getting it done my body is in the best shape its ever been in. Duh. When Im tired, I workout. When Im injured, I workout. When Im bitchy, I workout. When I don’t want to- I WORKOUT. Its not an option. My health is not an option. I HAVE to be around for my kids.

So why do I treat my business differently? Why do I “Monday/Tuesday” my business instead of working it 5-6 days a week? Is it not as important to me as my health? This business, my business is HUGELY important to me. I plan on a future where my kids are secure and I can travel and get a mountain house in Aspen and buy stupid expensive artwork just because. Oh and also help the poor and all that crap but you know what I mean….

It hit me like a ton of bricks that if I treated every day of the week like Monday I might REALLY rise above “moderate” success and just bust the roof off of this thing. Wow. Im a little slow. But thats ok Im teachable…and Im learning. Consistency does not just apply to my workouts. It actually applies to EVERY SINGLE THING in your life. Every thing. You don’t get up and drive your kids to school Monday and just assume they’ll get there the rest of the week do you? I don’t let Gus out to potty only on Mondays and pray his bladder can hold for 7 days. I don’t eat once on Monday and hope that sustains me all week. I don’t tell my kids to do something once and expect them to actually do it….oh wait…your kids do things the first time you ask? Never mind, mine do too!

When the character Andy Dufresne (played by Tim Robbins) in The Shawshank Redemption escapes from prison it is not a result of a last minute decision, a valiant effort of quick and mass execution, nor a spontaneous extra hard push to the end….it was a carefully planned, slowly and CONSISTENTLY executed action done with precision and thought and a boring ass daily commitment to something with no immediate gratification. TWENTY years. TWENTY fucking years he dug that tunnel. With a spoon. There can be no greater example of patience and consistency paying off. In freedom for Andy.

So be it your weight loss journey, your desire to succeed in your business, your relationship with your kids or parents or friends, or a book thats just difficult to get through…don’t stop. One page, one step, one smile a day seems so insignificant in the present moment. But twenty years from now you will have climbed a mountain!