Monthly Archives: October 2014

DOWNHILL SUCKS…BUT IT MAKES ME ENJOY THE VIEW

My husband and I went on a 5 mile hike at Palmer Lake Reservoir Sunday. I was secretly hoping he would pick Santa Fe or Spruce Mountain to hike instead. Palmer Lake has a pretty steep ascent that is quite long which means coming back is a very steep descent. I’ve grown to despise going downhill.

My husband’s “brain rot” (see previous blog from July if you are unfamiliar with the “brain rot”) causes ataxia. If you don’t know what that is it basically means uncoordinated. His balance, gait and depth perception are quite affected now. He walks like he is drunk. Without the fun part. So hikes are a challenge. Going uphill is great. There seems to be less of a balance issue and we trek along at a good pace.

Downhill SUCKS.

It takes quite a bit of effort by the human brain to coordinate all of the bazillion things that must occur for your body to move downhill and not fall. It really is quite amazing. Most of us take that simple event that happens a thousand times a day for granted. Just one foot in front of the other…not giving it a second thought. Patrick does not have that luxury. His brain does not communicate correctly with his feet. In fact…his exact words on the hike were “my brain doesn’t know where my feet are”.

So as we start the descent downhill I put my arm out…he grabs it. It helps for him to balance against me. He said I am like his “stair rail”. Ha. Glad I can be useful. So as all 165 pounds of him LEANS on all 102 pounds of me and wobbles or falls or loses balance or shifts its a bit of a thrill when you are on the side of a cliff with a 200 foot drop!

Now, to put it mildly, I am NOT a patient person. Thats why I find it quite ironically humorous that the universe blessed me with a child with severe ADHD and a husband with brain rot…REALLY? So the downhill portion of the hike is quite a test of character for me. HMMMM…be patient and support my husband down the hill so he doesn’t fall or get irritated and say “dude you’re on your own I just cannot go this slow”. Yes I just re read that. I AM that shallow. Shit- I know how bad that all sounds. I am human. And if I said I love every fucking second of this journey we are on I’d be a liar. Some of this crap just SUCKS! And at times I lose my patience. At times Im not so sweet (if you can believe that). At times I question what the hell we did to deserve this. At times I want to run. I am so far from perfect and I will right here, right now admit that when I said “in sickness and in health” this shit NEVER crossed my mind.

So as I “slow my pace” to match his and keep thinking how many more calories I could burn if I was moving faster I sort of saw myself and thought “damn you’re an ass”. I started looking around at the mountain, the rocks, the trees changing colors, the caves, the blue birds, the lake and my husband. Slowing down. SLOW. ING. DOWN. If he didn’t have brain rot we would walk much much faster. We would have raced each other for fastest time. We also would not have had the 50 great conversations we had. I wouldn’t have noticed the water, the birds or the trees changing. Because I would’ve been rushing to finish.

Now before you think Ive come to find the “REASON” behind him getting brain rot or that I believe everything happens for a reason or that we are done fighting this thing that couldn’t be further from the truth. I quit trying to find “all the reasons why things happen”. It is a colossal waste of time and energy that could be spent doing something more constructive. Like research.

All Im saying is…sometimes slowing down is not such a bad thing. It’s all in your perspective.

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DREAM BIG: A BLOG FOR MY SON

If you follow me on Facebook you are quite aware of all of my “Andy-isms”. Andy is my 12 year old son. He is hilarious. Very dry sense of humor, quick-witted, very affectionate with me, extremely artistic (surprising but true), notices all details of everything, loves the mountains, loves the outside, LOVES soccer and HATES school.

Andy has severe ADHD. You know that crazy little “I can’t sit still disorder” that I have written about before. I have also written that a lot of people just don’t get it. Ive seen posts about how “back in the day” it was just called being a kid or he needs a good butt kicking. Im kind of over all of that. I get that some people don’t get it. I totally do. Get it or not, at the end of each day WE as parents have to deal with this jewel of a disorder. Somedays we deal with it ok. But the honest to God truth is that most days we don’t deal with it so well.

Unfortunately for Andy he has a mother with zero to no patience and a Dad who rivals Stephen Hawking in the smarts department. Kid drew the short straw in the game of “best parents to have when you have ADHD”.

We had a conference with his teachers this week. I will not go into detail but lets just say it wasn’t the first time I had visions of him living in my basement at 32 playing video games. Im pretty sure on the car ride home Patrick & I were thinking of ways to blame this on each other. But with husband’s stupid ass brain rot I am trying really hard not to be an ass (most of the time).

Now to top things off Andy has Maddie for a big sister. She is one grade ahead of him in school and the teachers thing she hung the moon. She’s THAT kid. National Jr Honor Society, Student Council, well liked, well behaved, over a 4.0 GPA! Annoying as crap. I mean WE ARE SOOOO PROUD! And Andy is “Maddie’s little brother”. Im sure thats a treat.

I worry about my kids as we all do. I worry about their future, I worry about grades, if their hearts will get broken, if they’ll get Ebola, if they will drive safely, if they REALLY will call me from that party when they are too drunk to drive and trust that Ill come get them because I’d rather them live than be so scared of their parent’s rules and punishment that they drive anyway. (Thank you Dad- you saved me:)- and taught me A LOT about parenting).

For Maddie I worry more that she will take over the world and force us all to be vegetarians. Basically- Im pretty sure that kid’s gonna be ok. With Andy its different. And if you have an “Andy” you get it. And I often post on Facebook about his school grades or him not brushing his teeth or knowing where his own head is. I get some flack for airing my kids dirty laundry. Oh well. I gave up trying to please others awhile back. Im not gonna lie its TOUGH parenting this kid. I quit parenting Maddie about 5 years ago….I felt I was doing more harm than good…trust me she’s fine.

But I always worry that Im doing it wrong with my son. I baby him A LOT. I do a lot of things for him. I cut the crust off of his sandwiches- SHUT UP! But he hugs me. He hugs me A LOT and cuddles with me and tells me he loves me all the time and smiles with big dimples when he wants something. So sue me. Im not gonna look back someday and say “I wish I had done less for my kid”. THAT WILL BE HIS WIFE’S PROBLEM LOLOLOL!

So as I am worrying about his future and him living in my basement and what the heck kind of job he’ll have I run across this picture HE posted on his Instagram account. And I cry. Andy has big dreams. All kids do- its just a matter of tuning into them. He may not be a rocket scientist, or hell he may I don’t know. But all this time I thought he lacked “drive” I was wrong. He is driven. He does have big dreams. He does look ahead. He has goals…they just may not match up with what me or society had in mind. Today Im going to worry a little less. Im pretty sure he’s going to be ok.

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I HOPE THERE’S COORS LIGHT IN HEAVEN….HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD

My Dad would be 62 years old today! SIXTY-TWO. He would joke about how OOOOLLLLDDD that is. His hair would be more gray and there’d be less of it. He MIGHT be a tad grouchier than at 53. I know he’d be more sentimental…he was a total SAP. I also know he’d still be drinking beer, sitting in a chair in the driveway and listening to that damn garage radio.

SIXTY-TWO. He’d sit outside in that chair next to me and be all Neil Young-ish reminiscing about being young and children and parents and time passing too fast. He’d tell me how proud of me he is. That my kids are awesome. That it totally sucks ass about Patrick’s brain rot and that he and Mom would be here for us no matter what. He’d talk about Pawpa and how much he missed his Dad.

I won’t hear it all physically but I will hear it in my head. Thats enough.

He would have Coors Light. Because there is no other beer. Obviously. Funny the things that go through your head when you think about someone in the “afterlife”. My biggest hope is that there is Coors Light in Heaven. If there wasn’t before he was there I know he’s rallied to have it delivered. Oh and obviously music…there’s GOT to be music. Preferably classic rock if he has anything to say about it.

Funny I never thought of my Dad as old. NEVER. Perhaps because most of the time he acted like a 13 year old idiot boy. He just never “grew up”. I think that’s a wise way to live. Maybe some people are never meant to get old. Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, JFK. I dunno. It doesn’t matter. My Dad didn’t get to “get old” here on Earth. So if there is any yin to the yang, if karma exists, if what comes around goes around, if it all makes sense in the end….then there has GOT to be Coors Light in Heaven! 🙂

Happy 62nd Birthday to my Dad wherever he is. I will put two chairs in the driveway and have a few beers to honor him…he’d want it that way!

The Cowboys play the Seahawks today, Dad. I’m sure you’ll hear me screaming!

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THE PASSING OF THE GUARD: AN ART DESK AND A NEW CHAPTER

I started this Beachbody thing in February 1st of this year so it’s been 8 months that I have been coaching. I love it. I work from my kitchen counter. I don’t love that. We have these swively stools and I sit and stare at the cabinets as I work. My printer is downstairs in the basement. So when I print something I have to run down there. My workout space is also set up in the basement. All of my Beachbody DVD’s, my weights, my yoga mats, my exercise ball, my husband’s weight bench, etc, are all down in the basement.

I also started my term as Colorado Springs Chi Omega alumna Secretary recently. And Im pretty sure my sisters are concerned about their dues checks and membership forms floating around in my chaotic house. Im not exactly what you’d call organized. I may be Type A with my workouts and my social life but not so much in my business life.

My daughter claimed this amazing little nook in our basement when we first moved here for her art supplies and desk. She has a great desk and a bazillion art supplies, paints, brushes, charcoals, sketch papers, etc. We set up the area when we first moved in. She used it quite a bit for awhile. She is in 8th grade now and her interests have changed. Her LIFE is cheerleading. I cannot IMAGINE for the life of me where she gets that!!?? Her little art supplies have not been touched in months. Instead she tumbles across the basement, stretches, back bends, jumps, practices cheers, and coordinates matching hair bows to workout outfits. Oh…and her makeup has taken over the art supplies. 😦 I think I am sad. I am so happy she is growing into such a beautiful, smart, responsible, driven young lady…despite her crazy mother. But a little part of me is sad. The art brushes are all dried up.

I realized recently I cannot function on my kitchen counter. There are Chi Omega alumna forms, checks, and letters everywhere. There are scratch papers with Beachbody notes, my spirals, and my workout schedule scattered on the counter as well. Beachbody and Chi-O have merged to create some crazy sorority workout mess that I cannot keep control of on my kitchen counter.

So I asked Maddie if I could have her nook. Her art nook. She didn’t seem to mind. She just asked that we organize (and by “we” I mean me) her art things and put them in the storage closet. We have 2 HUGE storage closets so there is plenty of room. I spent last night (while she was at cheer) emptying her desk of art supplies and filling it with my spirals and Chi-O forms. I even STARTED a little bulletin board to decorate with inspirational things to hang above the desk.

She came home last night and said “wow you just really evicted me from my nook, huh?”. I asked if she was ok with it. She said yes. She didn’t say much else. I went to bed.

This morning I went down to “work” at my new area and glanced at my bulletin board. Right there in the middle was this big green “child-like” note pinned to it. I think Maddie and I both knew that putting the art supplies away was more than just putting the art supplies away. Time moves too fast sometimes. ENJOY. EVERY. SECOND.

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