Monthly Archives: February 2014

EMBRACING MY PALE SKIN & MY FEAR OF LOS ANGELES

February 25, 2014UncategorizedBeachbody, California, spray tanfallingbackonfunny

So I’m headed to LA this weekend. As in Los Angeles California not Louisiana. There’s a conference there for Beachbody & since I’m a new coach I thought it’d be good to attend all of the training I possibly can because I want to do this right. I want to soak up as much knowledge & information as I can so I can be the best coach possible. Ok it’s 20 degrees here & I just want to go to California- sue me!

So it dawned on me that southern California people are very pretty.They are tall & tan & fit & pretty- at least that’s what I imagine. So in my haste to look more “Califonia-y” I bought some spray tan in a bottle. Because I am pale, people. I mean lilly white, baby’s butt pale. I am a mountain girl now. No beaches here in Colorado. So in order not to scare anyone of the pretty California people I figured I’d better get a bit of color on my legs.

Well. The asshole that invented the spray can must be a contortionist & a professional paint sprayer. I turned & twisted & tried to reach all my parts. First of all the nozzle was clogged & spit & made funny sounds & I couldn’t possibly reach my back. I seriously look like a spotted leopard or like I have some disease.
And yes Im aware theres tanning LOTION. Now.

Also- my dog Gus lays in the bathroom while I shower & wouldn’t move when I started spraying so now he has a spray tan too.

I guess I’ll embrace my paleness, my mountain-esque coloring, my fair skin & freckles. There’s a lot worse things to be than pale. LA could not possibly be as scary as how I must’ve just looked in the bathroom. As my daughter would say “first world problem, Mom”.

VOLCANOS , TRUNDLE BEDS & THE DEMISE OF MY SANITY

February 21, 2014Uncategorized#21DayFix, Beachbody, Volcanoesfallingbackonfunny

Did you know that The Langila volcano is one of the most active volcanoes in the Bismarck Arc of New Britain. Yep me neither until 8:30 pm tonight. Because that is the exact time my almost 12 year old son informed me that he had a “Volcano project” due TOMORROW! Honestly that’s about par for the course with this kid. It’s a damn good thing he’s cute, funny, and hugs me a lot.

So in a mad panic of me looking for tin foil and ketchup (lava) my son announces that the actual model part of the project was due today and was only for extra credit. All he has to do is a 5 page report WITH at least 5-6 different pictures of the volcano. To which I used a few words really good Moms don’t use…but I gave up that quest years ago. He tried to defend himself by a lot of sentences that started with “But my teacher didn’t tell us….”, “But the due date wasn’t clear….”,”I’m a little behind because I did 82 curl ups in PE and my abs hurt”. WHAT?

So if you’ve never heard of this volcano it is approximately the size of an anthill and it’s history dates back to the ancient old age of 2012. Literally. One. Picture. On. The. Internet. So we have to come up with five pages on a 2 year old volcano the size of my closet. Shoot me now. This is where good parents and kids should look away…copying and pasting from Wikipedia is NOT illegal. And perhaps using pictures of other more popular volcano/anthills that have more pictures on the Internet is a bit misleading but SHIT…it’s a hill with a hole in it that spits fire once in awhile. And before you judge…

Simultaneously to our 8:45 volcano fiasco my 13 year old daughter decides to rearrange her entire bedroom. We ask her not to. She does it anyway. I don’t know why I bother to interject discipline as these mini people seem to have minds of their own. Damn it.

In the process of dragging her forty year old antique like fragile trundle bed frame across the room on her own she broke it. Yep. Broke it. And it ain’t fixable. Now the head-end of the bed is sunk down three feet and the foot end is elevated. And she will be sleeping that way. Because ya know…bad Mom.

I’m sitting here now watching my son type approximately 3 words a minute so we should be in bed by 2:00ish I guess. Have I mentioned I haven’t had sugar in four days? I started the #21DayFix by Beachbody four days ago because I am a Beachbody coach and I guess I should practice what I preach and blah blah blah but I’d literally knock an old lady down for a Snicker bar right now.

So IF this blog entry gets published in the morning you’ll know we survived the night. It isn’t the first chaotic night we’ve had and I’d bet a Benjamin it won’t be the last. Here’s to average Moms everywhere. May your 3 hours of sleep tonight be peaceful.

And if there’s a God in Heaven Ill wake up and it will be Day #21 NOT Day #5

FRIENDS…OLD & NEW

One of my favorite quotes is from the movie “Stand By Me”. The narrator says “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”

It’s so true. My childhood friends were amazing. It’s such a magical time when your very young, then awkward in middle school and then downright painful, exciting, glorious and revolutionizing in high school and college. The friends you make during those times leave a permanent mark on your heart. I had a wonderful childhood full of really great friends and memories. Irreplaceable. There are people I have known since I was 6 years old that I now stay in touch with on Facebook. Old friends. Old friends are priceless.

And then there are the friends you make as an adult. You’re not forced together by a classroom setting or a cheer squad or a soccer team or church. They are grown up people that you CHOOSE to associate with. Because they are funny or smart or kind or cute or SARCASTIC or all of the above. People that fit a need or fill a place in your life. People you are just drawn to & connect with. Grown up friends laugh with you, laugh at you, cry with you, come in your garage door, know how dirty your house REALLY is, and accept you for what you really are. When it’s ugly and you lose your marriage, when you lose your job, when you lose your health, when your Dad dies suddenly & you are broken, when you ugly cry, when your anxiety flares up, when you feel alone…that’s when grown up friends are the best. Exactly in the middle of all the ugly is when a true friend shows up. I have so many & Im so lucky. Thank you friends- old AND new.

A PICTURE’S WORTH 1000 WORDS…OR IN THIS CASE JUST ONE….S**T

February 16, 2014Uncategorizedbeauty, body image, weight lossfallingbackonfunny

A picture’s worth a 1000 words. Or in this case just one…S**T

So tomorrow I start the 21 Day Fix program by Beachbody. I sold it to several people & we plan to keep each other accountable day to day. It’s a 21 Day workout & healthy eating program. I like what I hear about it b/c it’s really for all levels of fitness. For those that are new to exercise, or workout fanatics, for those with a lot of weight to lose or like me- just want to tone up & eat healthier.

I’m 41 years old & completely ignorant on food portions & how many servings of fruits, veggies, proteins, etc I’m supposed to eat each day. This program is sort of an “eating for dummies” thing in that it includes 7 containers of various colors that correspond to what type of food to put in each. Sounds easy enough. So here’s the hard part…

I HAVE TO POST BEFORE & AFTER PICTURES OF MYSELF!

I’m not worried about the workout or really even the food since I know that I can do anything for 21 Days. It’s those pictures….those damn pictures.
So what’s the biggy? I mean a few of my friends affectionately (I think) call me a “skinny bitch”. I’m not bad for 41. I’m not overweight, I feel comfortable in workout clothes and I never thought I had a body image issue….UNTIL NOW. I’m literally freaking out over posting pictures of myself in workout clothes for people to SEE! I’ve gone round & round in my head this week about what angle I should stand at, what I should suck in, what tricks there are to hide cellulite & age spots. It’s ridiculous. I’m also fairly modest (no seriously).

So all of this nonsense made me stop & think. If I’M nervous or anxious or self conscious about this Im sure many others feel this way . There are people starting weight loss programs everyday. They struggle with losing weight, health concerns, self esteem issues and a lack of support. I also do not EVER want my daughter to feel ashamed of her body. What am I teaching her if I’m not comfortable with mine? I became a Beachbody Coach to motivate & help others. I’m finding that actually I need the help of others too. I think we all need each other…fat, skinny, tall, short…it’s all ok. Everybody’s journey starts in their own place. Mine is different than yours. I don’t think it matters from where you start. What matters is THAT you start.

So tomorrow, in all my glory I will post pictures of myself. And I will proudly start a 21 Day journey to feel better & hold myself & others accountable for their health.

P.S. Dear voters of America, One day my daughter might run for President. Please PLEASE do not hold over her head the fact that her Mom is nuts & posted half clothed pictures of herself on the Internet. Sincerely,
Madelyn Nugent’s Mom

STEP AWAAAAAAAY FROM THE COMFORT ZONE

February 13, 2014Uncategorizedcomfort zone, risks, Valentine's Dayfallingbackonfunny

How my warm-blooded butt ended up in the mountains…and a nod to my ❤️ on Valentine’s Day.

I was born in Texas. My Mom & Dad were born in Texas. Most of my grandparents & great-grandparents were born in Texas. It will always be my HOME & the comfort & familiarity of it makes me happy. Tea is ALWAYS sweet, Mexican food is a staple, people are polite and “fixin’ to” is an acceptable measure of time. I really never thought of leaving Texas until a few years ago. I don’t know if my Dad’s sudden death or just getting older made me realize that life is short and you should never miss an opportunity.

When my husband’s job offered him the option to move to Colorado I was surprised at my quick reaction. We did not have to move. We could have stayed in Texas where our family is. It would have been easy and comfortable and familiar. And that is exactly why I said “LET’S GO!” I don’t want easy or comfortable or familiar anymore. Life IS short. Take risks, jump off the cliff, go where you are afraid to go. My Dad once said “nobody gets to the end of their life and says they wish they had worked more…”

And Colorado despite your extreme lack of ability to master anything resembling Mexican food & those few days of -25 degrees that I thought my saliva would freeze & permanently glue my mouth shut, I love you. It has been the best decision we’ve ever made as a family. Texas will ALWAYS be home but I embrace my new home with open arms & all of the new adventures and friendships it has already brought to us.

I don’t really dig the cheesy holiday that is Valentine’s Day but I’m one lucky girl to have a partner in life that I like enough to follow ANYWHERE. Advice to my kids….find someone SMART & FUNNY! Good looking is nice…SMART & FUNNY is a MUST!

Take risks my friends! Go where you are afraid to go!

I ❤️ Sugar! And I mean ALOT!

February 10, 2014Uncategorizedfallingbackonfunny

I am a closet sugar addict. I love sugar. In any form. I am extremely lucky that I got my Nanny’s genes & have never had to struggle with weight but I have battled fatigue and lack of energy for a loooong time. I have relied on Dr. Pepper and cookies to “wake me up” at 3:00 each day. And for an hour or so it works and then I CRASH!

And now I’ve committed to this Beachbody Coach thing. People are relying on me & looking to me to be an example. God help them. However, it has been the motivation I’ve needed to work on this sugar thing. I started drinking Shakeology 13 days ago. Honestly the first few days were rough because I couldn’t quite get the consistency right and I was not noticing a huge difference. Full disclosure I had PMS that week and was spending most of my energy NOT committing homicide so worrying about sugar intake was not my 1st priority.

HOWEVER….13 days in and I actually look forward to my chocolate shaky treat each day and I realized my sugar cravings are all but GONE! Seriously. I feel better. I have more energy. And now this 21 Day Fix program is about to get delivered to my door with those little containers that will hold all I can eat for the day. And I’m guessing cramming as many thin mints as humanly possible into the “snack” container is not what they had in mind.

Nervous & excited to push myself and stick to a program and hold myself and others accountable. MORE nervous about posting “before” pictures. UGH! GoodBye Thin Mints. I will miss you.

Everything is Going to Be OK

February 9, 2014Uncategorizedfallingbackonfunny

I hear a lot of this. “Our country is going to hell in a hand basket”, “this world is in a sad state of affairs”, “this country is in trouble”. Well I beg to differ…..
I spent a few hours at my 13 year old daughter’s speech tournament yesterday. I’m guessing there was about 400 kids there but I’m not good with numbers so who knows. It was about 10 different middle schools from The Pikes Peak Region competing against each other in categories such as “dramatic solo”, “comedic duo”, “impromptu speaking”, etc. Now let me interject here (as if I needed to) that my daughter gets her “smarts” from my husband. I’m big enough to admit that. I married up in the IQ department. I guess that makes ME smart! But I digress….

I had the opportunity to watch some of the performances of these 13 & 14 year olds and I was blown away. I sat for awhile in the cafeteria (holding pin) and watched them dance to Katy Perry & flirt with each other & be silly & laugh inappropriately. But when it was time to perform in the small rooms with the glazy-eyed judges staring back at them they transformed into little geniuses. They spoke clearly, intelligently, full of emotion and grit. Some of the topics included : the consequences of drunk driving, cancer, drug addiction, being a victim of abuse and suicide. Deep DEEP stuff for 13 & 14 year olds.

When my daughter got up to perform I felt like a 1000 butterflies in my stomach were going to vomit, I chewed my fingernail off and was shaking so hard I looked like a crack addict in withdrawal. I can’t even explain the nerves. And then this remarkable thing happened. She NAILED it. She spoke so clearly & never missed a word of her four page, memorized, emotion- filled monologue. But they all nailed it. They were all remarkable. And I sat there watching them and it hit me….everything is going to be OK.

These kids are ok. They are smart and goofy and apathetic and inquisitive. They listen to Katy Perry and act silly and flirt and text too much and have a bit of an attitude at times. In other words….they are perfectly normal. They are smarter than I was at 13 (and possibly at 41), they are confident, not easily led astray, don’t believe everything they’re told (THANK GOD) and they are our future and I am perfectly ok with that.

I’m aware this was a small segment of pretty smart kiddos. I’m also aware that my other child who is very athletic and funny and wouldn’t be caught dead at a speech tournament and almost assuredly does not know what day it is is going to be OK too.

We are not going to hell in a hand basket. Whew! What a relief. I don’t believe in hell and I’m not sure what a damn hand basket is but that never sounded fun to me.

I’ve never been so filled with pride as when I watch my kids at soccer, football, speech, theater or whatever. Yesterday…I was proud of 400 kids. Everything is going to be OK.

I stopped being able to help my daughter with her homework years ago. And isn’t that the the point.

Be Funny

February 7, 2014Uncategorizedfallingbackonfunny

Holy cow here we go…..disclaimer: This writer is often politically incorrect, offensive, and insensitive. I also have grammar & spelling issues but I went to Stephen F. Austin State University….where proper grammar was not necessarily a prerequisite for graduating. So bite me.

I come from a long line of sarcasm. I can’t help it, it’s genetic. My Mom taught Highschoolers for a reason….she would have scared the snot out of little kids. My sarcasm started early and I’m sure it was off-putting to some. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to tone it down a bit. But just a bit. And sadly the gene has firmly been planted in my daughter. And if you’ve ever had a 13 year old girl you know that mixing sarcasm in with the already mush pot of raging hormones, boys, friend drama, homework and downright awkwardness is just a JOY. (See there it is…sarcasm), but I know she can’t help it. And it is here that I feel obliged to insert a general apology to my Mom. I’m sorry, Karen. There that should cover QUITE A BIT.

Sarcasm is not always bad. I use it as a coping mechanism. For me I have an inability to find the appropriate emotion or reaction in some situations so I always FALL BACK ON FUNNY. It’s my “go-to”, my safe place, it allows me to not dive deep into some awkward emotion I don’t want to feel and it USUALLY lightens the mood of those around me. And it’s ok. I have had quite a bit of what you’d call tragic or sad events to deal with in my life. A lot of people have. And I know I could have spiraled in quite a different direction but I’m just not wired up that way. I always assumed I was a glass half empty kind of girl, a pessimist, a realist, quite pragmatic. But it turns out I’m quite happy. So sarcasm fits me, it works for me….except when it’s spewing from my daughter. That’s when a brief moment of pride is followed by a shot of anger….”awwww look she’s like me”…..” Oh CRAP she’s like ME!”

So here I go…on a mission to completely humiliate myself and my family in writing for alllll of the public to see. Oh and ALSO to start a business. I am a new Beachbody Coach. I sell products such as Shakeology and workout DVD programs (such as P90x) to people who need motivation, positivity, and someone to encourage them on their journey of fitness and health. Because when you think Jennifer Nugent you think MOTIVATOR, POSITIVITY, ENCOURAGING….. Oh lord. 😳

Shameless plug…I really do love the products. Check me out:

http://www.beachbodycoach.com/jennifernugent